We have a winner! Congrats to Don Sutton, the winner of the first ever *Writing Bad* competition! (See the Comments section below for the other 2 entries in full. They’re good too.)
I enlisted three writing professors (who also like fun stuff) to judge the entries without any names attached, so it was all as above-board as a contest can get this side of PriceWaterhouseCoopers!
Thanks to all of you who submitted entries! I hope you will join us again for the next installment. In the meantime, here is the winning entry of *Writing Bad* #1: The Clam Before the Storm:
Passage writers were required to work with: “Back then, it was illegal to burn someone else’s barn down, even if you were trying to disintegrate your mother.”
“Dull, Liquid Eyes” — By Don Sutton
She was a stupid cow, and I hated her. Every time I went near her, she just looked at me with her dull, liquid eyes. And chewed her food. Loudly.
I wanted to get rid of her, and I would have done anything to make it happen. As luck would have it, her daughter felt the same way. I couldn’t do it, but she could.
Back then, it was illegal to burn someone else’s barn down, even if you were trying to disintegrate your mother.
But not if you were a cow. Not even if you also burned down Chicago.